How to cope with infertility: 10 tips to care for your mental health
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA
Infertility can deeply impact your mental health, leading to grief and even depression. Discover 10 gentle ways to help you cope and care for yourself during this tough time.
When you decide you’re ready to become a parent, you might imagine that in no time at all, you'll be holding a positive pregnancy test, watching your belly grow, and finally, cradling a baby in your arms.
But for many people, the road to parenthood isn’t so smooth.
Infertility, or the inability to conceive a baby, is a heartbreaking medical condition made more difficult by the ups and downs of treatment. One minute, you might feel hopeful that you’re making progress, and the next, you’re left with more questions than answers. Meanwhile, everyone else seems to be moving forward with their lives, sharing baby photos and announcing their pregnancies on social media. It can be excruciating.
With infertility affecting an estimated one in six people globally, if you’re experiencing it right now, you’re definitely not alone. Here are some tips to help you take care of yourself through all the ups and downs.
The emotional impact of infertility: grief, depression, and anger
Infertility is all-consuming. It can rattle your identity, damage your relationship with your body, and hurt your relationships. And while doctors might focus on what’s going on with you medically, you’re probably also contending with serious emotional fallout.
This isn’t just disappointment. It’s grief for the experiences and future you imagined — the life path that felt certain, until it wasn’t. And because this grief is invisible, it often goes unacknowledged, even by the people closest to you.
You might also feel angry at your body, your partner, and every pregnant person you pass on the street. Whether quiet or explosive, these feelings are a natural response to loss and powerlessness.
And of course, there’s sadness, which can easily become depression. It’s not always dramatic, but it’s often persistent. Maybe you stop returning texts or find yourself wondering when you last felt like yourself. Maybe you can’t remember the last time you felt hope.
All of it—grief, rage, sadness—builds month after month, and you may feel powerless to do anything to change it. After all, it’s difficult to plan things when your life seems to revolve around blood draws and procedures. So if you’re constantly crying in your car, skipping baby showers, or feeling nothing at all, know that you’re not broken. This is hard, full stop.
Read more: Yes, fertility anxiety is a real thing. Here’s how to deal with it
5 ways infertility can affect relationships
Infertility doesn’t just impact you — it can also reshape the way you connect with the people around you, in messy, painful, and surprising ways.
Here are five ways infertility can affect your relationships (and why it’s not your fault if things feel strained):
1. You and your partner might grieve differently: One of you may want to talk things out, while the other goes silent. One is ready to exhaust every possible option, but the other hesitates. Everyone handles things differently, and that’s okay.
2. Sex becomes a chore: When intimacy is scheduled and tied to ovulation, it can feel more like a job than anything else. You both feel under pressure, and this can impact your connection.
3. Friendships feel harder: If your friends are pregnant, parents, or oblivious, it’s natural to feel jealous. You might feel more emotionally distant, and that’s difficult.
4. Family gatherings turn into emotional minefields: Clueless relatives may ask you when you’re going to have a baby or why you’re not a parent yet, and this stings. In these situations, it’s critical to set boundaries.
5. Communication can crack under pressure: When you’re both emotionally exhausted, you may snap unnecessarily or shut out the people you love. Sometimes what you need most is a reset, whether that’s a walk, an honest conversation, or a session with a therapist.
Infertility can stretch relationships thin, but with honesty, care, and support, you can stay connected.
How to cope with infertility: 10 tips to help you take care of yourself
When you’re navigating infertility, it’s critical to take care of yourself. Of course, that’s so much easier said than done.
So, start small. Here are 10 simple ways to take care of your mental health when you’re navigating infertility.
1. Acknowledge what you’re actually feeling
You don’t have to pretend to be okay if you’re not. Rage, grief, jealousy, numbness, confusion — it’s all valid. Give yourself permission to feel it all without judgment.
Say it out loud, journal it, or angrily text your most trusted friend. Getting it off your chest is essential. And if you’re having a tough time articulating your feelings, this guide can help.
💙 Tamara Levitt’s Relationship with Self series can help you boost self-compassion and feelings of worthiness.
2. Set boundaries whenever you need to
Boundaries are not rude — they’re important. You’re allowed to turn down social invitations, tell people that certain topics are off-limits, and do what you need to do to protect your mental health.
Create a few go-to scripts so you don’t have to find the words on the spot.
Try saying something like:
“Thanks for thinking of me, but I’m going to sit this one out.”
“We’re not sharing fertility updates right now, but I appreciate your care.”
“You’ll know if and when we have news to share.”
“I love you, but I can’t talk about babies today.”
3. Limit the doomscrolling and Googling
Research can be empowering, but spiraling down a rabbit hole of forums, statistics, and worst-case scenarios in the middle of the night isn’t helping anyone.
Try setting a 30-minute or less “fertility research window,” and give yourself permission to log off outside of that. Your brain needs a break.
💙 Taking a break from your phone isn’t always easy, but the Tame Your Scrolling Habit series can help.
4. Move your body — gently and with zero pressure
Movement can remind you you’re still alive, even if things aren’t going the way you wish they were.
Try stretching, walking, dancing, yoga, or dancing in your kitchen — anything that brings you into your body with compassion.
5. Connect with people who get it
Infertility can be isolating, but you’re not the only one in this. Seek out online support groups, infertility-focused therapists, or a friend who understands.
Real connection—especially with people who’ve walked this road—can make you feel better.
6. Give your brain a break
When you’re feeling overwhelmed, even small tasks can feel impossible. Try giving yourself mental “timeouts” — moments of intentional distraction that don’t involve fertility.
Watch a guilty pleasure show. Reread your favorite book. Paint something. Hang out with a friend. Do something that gives your brain a chance to recover from constant fertility fatigue.
7. Speak kindly to yourself
Your inner critic might be loud right now. You might be blaming yourself, your body, or your past choices. That’s not fair — and it’s not helpful. When the self-blame creeps in, try to gently interrupt it. Talk to yourself the way you’d talk to your dearest friend if they were going through this.
If you need help, here are eight ways to introduce more positive talk into your life.
Try reframing thoughts like “My body failed me” to “My body is struggling, but it’s not my enemy.” And, “I should be handling this better,” to “I’m doing the best I can in an impossible situation.”
8. Create a “grief kit” for hard days
Prep for the days that feel especially heavy. Your grief kit could include:
A playlist that either soothes you or lets you cry — both valid responses
A cozy blanket or hoodie
A comfort show
A list of grounding mantras or affirmations
A letter to yourself from a calmer moment
Having your kit ready can help you ride the wave instead of getting swallowed by it.
9. Try therapy with a specialist, if possible
If you’re feeling stuck in sadness, anxiety, or obsessive thinking, a mental health professional—especially one familiar with reproductive trauma—can help a lot.
Also, you don’t have to sink into a full-blown depression to get help — feeling like “this is too much” is reason enough.
If you can’t afford weekly therapy, you still have options. Look into sliding scale clinics, online options, or support groups facilitated by licensed therapists.
10. Allow room for joy
Joy can feel like betrayal when you’re grieving, but it’s not. It simply serves as a reminder that you’re still alive. Let yourself laugh at stupid memes. Say yes to the dinner invite. Pet every dog you see. Let a little light in where you can.
Infertility may be part of your story, but it doesn’t define you.
How to cope with infertility FAQs
How can I deal with the sadness of infertility?
The sadness of infertility is real, deep, and valid grief. The first step in dealing with it is to stop telling yourself you shouldn’t feel this way. This isn’t just disappointment — it’s mourning that a future isn’t happening the way you hoped.
Let yourself feel the sadness without trying to fix it immediately. Cry. Journal. Talk to someone you trust. You don’t need to power through or “stay positive.” You need space to hurt and people who can support you.
How can I navigate tough conversations about infertility?
You don’t owe anyone an explanation, but because people are often nosy (or just clueless), it helps to have a few boundary-setting responses ready. You can say, “That’s a really personal topic we’re not sharing details about right now,” or even just, “I’d rather not talk about that.”
Protect your peace. And remember, it’s not your job to make other people comfortable with your pain.
How can I support my partner if they’re going through infertility?
Start by listening without jumping in to fix things. Infertility hits differently for everyone, and what you need may not be what they need. Give them space to talk (or not talk), validate their pain, and be present even if you feel helpless.
If you’re both going through this together, understand you may grieve differently, and that’s okay. Couples therapy or a support group can help you stay connected when it feels like infertility is driving a wedge between you. Above all, keep reminding each other: “This is hard, but we’re in it together.”
Is it normal to feel depressed when dealing with infertility?
Infertility can trigger clinical depression, especially after months or years of emotional upheaval, medical stress, or repeated losses. If you’re feeling persistently hopeless, withdrawing from things that once mattered to you, or struggling to get through the day, that’s a sign you’re overwhelmed. Depression doesn’t always show up as tears. Sometimes it’s numbness, or feeling like you’re just going through the motions.
If that sounds familiar, consider asking for help. You don’t have to suffer in silence.
When should I seek professional support for infertility-related grief?
If the weight of it all feels like too much to carry alone, that’s your cue to seek professional help. You don’t need to wait for a crisis. If your sadness is constant, if your thoughts feel dark or stuck, or if you’re just exhausted by the emotional labor of trying to keep it all together, it’s time.
A good therapist, especially one who understands fertility trauma, can help you untangle the grief, hold space for your anger, and rebuild your sense of self. Remember, you deserve that kind of support.
What is National Infertility Awareness Week?
National Infertility Awareness Week, (NIAW) is a movement founded in 1989 by RESOLVE. Observed every April, NIAW is a time to educate people about infertility and hopefully, reduce some of the stigma surrounding it.
After all, infertility affects an estimated one in six people globally. So if you’re experiencing it right now, you’re definitely not alone.
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